


I Love You

by FruitPunch493



Series: Jazzalil College AU's [1]
Category: Firebringer - Team StarKid
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-17
Updated: 2020-05-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:48:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24239800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FruitPunch493/pseuds/FruitPunch493
Summary: Four times Jemilla almost told Zazzalil she loved her, and one time she didn't have to.
Relationships: Jemilla/Zazzalil (Firebringer)
Series: Jazzalil College AU's [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1749610
Comments: 3
Kudos: 41





	I Love You

**Author's Note:**

> I know this is a really overdone idea, but I really wanted to try it out.

_**:…One…:** _

It had been a stupid fight, really. Jemilla wasn't quite sure how it had escalated to the point that it did, but she did know that her anger had subsided and now she felt bad about the whole thing. More than just feeling bad, she felt responsible for the whole thing--felt guilty.

And that feeling of guilt was what sent her trudging across campus, looking for the tiny brunette in the one place she knew the girl would be. The two had just started to get along, and it felt wrong that they had let nearly a year of not being at each other's throats constantly go down the drain.

She stepped into the campus' commons area and began scanning the tables for her. It was a fairly large building that held about ten different restaurants and a sizable seating area, so she wasn't quite expecting to find her right away, but she thankfully found her sitting close to the entrance, next to the smoothie place, her face buried in her laptop screen.

With a small smile, Jemilla walked up behind her and gently rested a hand on her shoulder. Zazzalil jumped slightly and spun, but relaxed and rolled her eyes once she saw it was Jemilla.

"What do you want?" The sentence came out as almost a groan.

"It's nice to see you, too," Jemilla shot back, not waiting for an invitation to sit down on the other side of the table.

The two sat in silence, Zazzalil working on… whatever it was she was working on, and Jemilla simply studying her face.

She could tell that Zazzalil was trying not to look up at her and figured she could feel her staring, but she did it anyway. She noted the way her lips twitched as she spoke quietly to herself. Smiled to herself at the way that dark brown eyes narrowed as they trained on whatever was on her screen. Her nimble fingers flew across her keyboard, but would stop periodically to start working on something with her trackpad.

God, how she loved the girl sitting across from her. She'd known it for quite some time, and had probably felt it for much longer than that. Not telling her was growing exponentially harder, but the idea of telling her felt harder still. And so she kept it to herself.

"I'm sorry," she said. Zazzalil looked up, her expression softening as she made eye contact with Jemilla. Those weren't the words she had expected to come out, but they at least weren't dishonest to how she was feeling.

"Are you now?" Without breaking eye contact, she closed her laptop, sitting back in her seat as she waited for Jemilla to continue.

"I am," she continued, giving a small nod to affirm what she was saying. "That argument got out hand. I shouldn't have said what I did. I'm sorry."

The brunette scanned her face for any trace of deceit, but apparently hadn't found any because she smiled and gave a quick breathy laugh through her nose.

"Yeah, well," she began, leaning forward, elbows resting on either side of her laptop, "if it's any consolation, I'm sorry, too. We both know what I said wasn't any better, and you definitely wouldn't have said anything if I hadn't egged you on in the first place." She shrugged and looked away. She'd never been one to apologize, nor one to talk about feelings. It was nice, Jemilla thought, that Zazzalil felt able to be even a little more open with her than she was with most people.

 _I love you,_ she thought, the words on the tip of her tongue. But she never uttered them. Instead, she offered to get a reconciliation smoothie, her treat.

Zazzalil laughed and accepted the offer, staying firmly in her seat as Jemilla stood to retrieve the drink.

Opportunity wasted, but at least she got a smoothie out of it.

* * *

_**:…Two…:** _

Jemilla had been sitting in the library, working diligently on and end-of-semester paper. It didn't matter to her that the end of the semester was still over a month off. It was a rather long paper and she had nothing better to do with her time right now. Getting a head start wasn't going to hurt anything and would lessen her load in the long run.

She was in the middle of cross-referencing one of her sources against the outline she'd started when a thud drew her attention upwards.

A familiar brunette had dropped her backpack down onto the table with more force than necessary.

"I didn't think you even knew what a library was," she said with a lilt in her voice, smirking at the frustrated frown that was now plastered to Zazzalil's face.

"Oh, ha, ha." Her voice was flat and dry in annoyance. She shook her head, reaching for her backpack again. "Look, I can leave if you-"

"No!" It had been a more desperate exclamation than Jemilla had intended, and it had startled Zazzalil into silence. Jemilla glanced around to see a couple of people at the next table giving her a side-eye. "I mean, you don't have to leave. You can sit if you want."

Her heart was beating faster than it should have, and she could feel the heat rising into her cheeks. She was sure Zazzalil could see it, but she didn't say anything about it.

Jemilla went back to working on her paper, hoping that she would just calm down. She hoped Zazzalil couldn't tell that's what she was trying to do, but she had no idea what was going through the other girl's mind. She would sneak glances up at her when she was looking around the library. Zazzalil truly was the queen of looking bored and disinterested.

"What are you working on?" Zazzalil asked, louder than she should have considering where they were.

Jemilla gently shushed her and responded, more quietly. "A final paper for a class. I'm just getting a head start."

"God, you're such a nerd."

"So? What's wrong with that?"

Zazzalil shrugged and went back to looking around the room.

"Why are you here?" Jemilla asked, knowing full well that Zazzalil hated the library. "I thought you were allergic to books."

Ignoring jab number two, Zazzalil spun and reached into her backpack, and pulled out her laptop. "If you must know, I have a research paper due in two days and I haven't started yet."

Jemilla wanted to chastise Zazzalil. Wanted to tell her she should have started working earlier. But she did neither of those.

"I can sit here with you until you're done working if you want."

The offer surprised her as soon as it came out of her mouth, but she knew she had meant it. Zazzalil very much so fed off of the energy of others, so she would be more likely to work if Jemilla was here with her. Spending the extra time with her didn't hurt any, either.

Zazzalil's mouth pulled to one side in a small, crooked smile. "Do you think you could proofread it when I'm done?"

Jemilla took a moment to stare and take in her smile. God, was she beautiful. Attractive, even.

_I love you._

"Yeah, of course," she said, mouth involuntarily pulling into a smile that showed a set of straight, white teeth.

With that, Zazzalil opened her laptop and started furiously typing. Jemilla tried to look busy, but her focus was coming and going. She was going to have to tell her sooner or later, and it was starting more and more to look like she was opting for later.

* * *

_**:…Three…:** _

Jemilla loved working out. She loved how it made her feel on top of her life. Loved how it helped to relieve whatever stresses she was feeling. How it further added to strictly regimented schedule that she kept for herself. More than anything, she loved when Zazzalil would happen into the gym while she was there. It gave her the chance to watch her from afar. Yes, she recognized that this was likely pretty creepy, but she couldn't help it.

She had just entered the gym, admittedly later than she would have liked, but later was better than never. As she reached the top of the stairs, she glanced over to the weight lifting area. She paused when she saw a familiar face sitting at a weight machine. Honey-colored eyes raked over the woman's form as she brought exceptionally muscular arms forward and backward, breathing heavily with each rep.

Without thinking too much about it, Jemilla tossed her bag down by the cubbies on the side of the room and approached the girl. She somehow went unnoticed as Zazzalil moved to the next machine, taking a seat and setting it up to an appropriate weight for her.

From this angle it appeared to be a fairly high weight. Certainly higher than she herself would be able to lift. That was typical for Zazzalil, but that didn't make it any less impressive.

At this point, she was unabashedly checking Zazzalil out. She knew that, if she was caught, she would have no explanation. Part of her thought that getting caught wouldn't be the end of the world--she'd at least finally have an excuse to confess her feelings her.

"Hey," she greeted, nearly facepalming over how ridiculous she felt about being unable to just tell her how she felt. Music was blaring into Zazzalil's ears, Jemilla could hear it from where she stood. When Zazzalil didn't respond, she took a half step forward and put a hand on her forearm.

This startled the girl, but once she saw Jemilla her face sprouted a huge grin and she pulled her headphones out. She was listening to some pretty intense music, the curly haired girl couldn't help but notice. Some sort of metal genre by the sounds of it. It was a stark contrast to the acoustic and pop genres that Jemilla normally enjoyed listening to, but she knew that Zazzalil really liked that kind of music when she worked out.

"Hey yourself," Zazzalil said back, not moving from her spot on the machine as she smiled up at her. She leaned forward, resting her elbows on either side as she relaxed. Jemilla had thought she imagined it, but it looked like Zazzalil gave her a thinly veiled once-over. Her face grew warm, but she cleared her throat through the awkwardness she was feeling.

"How's that calculus assignment going?" The two were in the same class. It hadn't been by design, but it had certainly been helpful to get to work on assignments and study together.

Zazzalil chuckled and rolled her eyes. "It's a joke, honestly. I have no idea what I'm doing."

A first, Jemilla noted. For Zazzalil to be stumped, it had to be difficult. "Do you maybe want to meet up later and work on it?" It was both a legitimate offer and an excuse to spend more time with her.

The brunette smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'd like that."

_I love you._

"I'll text you then?" She raised an eyebrow. Why was it that her mouth always betrayed her in these situations?

"Works for me."

Jemilla smiled at her as they said their goodbyes and promises to get together later that day.

With that, Jemilla left Zazzalil to finish her workout and to start her own. Her mouth twisted in disdain as she walked back to her backpack and pulled her headphones out.

Jemilla was growing frustrated with herself. She still hadn't told Zazzalil how she felt.

* * *

_**:...Four...:** _

Zazzalil was quite good at math. Far better than Jemilla cared to admit. She had a lot of natural talent for the subject. So much so that she was just as good as Jemilla with only a quarter of the time invested. If she put more effort into it, there was no doubt that she would be far better than Jemilla at the subject. As such, she had been relieved earlier at the gym when Zazzalil said they could work on their assignment together.

Not long after she had texted, Zazzalil came knocking on her door. When she invited her in, it was evident that she had just hopped out of the shower--her hair was still wet and she was in comfortable looking clothes that probably served as her pajamas.

"Alright, are we ready to get this bread?" Zazzalil asked, slinging her backpack onto Jemilla's bed and plopping down next to it. She fished her textbook from the bag as well as a notebook and got to work. Jemilla was sitting at her own desk, craning over the book and trying desperately to understand.

"Oh, this isn't as hard as I thought it looked," Zazzalil said as she started scribbling onto her paper.

"Really? I don't think I quite get it." She didn't like admitting that, and was sure Zazzalil was going to make fun of her. To her surprise that doesn't happen, and she feels her breath hitch in her throat when Zazzalil leans over her shoulder and begins talking into her ear.

She's running through how to solve the problem, but Jemilla is having trouble concentrating. With the close proximity, she can smell pine and some fruity shampoo. She feels the inside of Zazzalil's arm brush her shoulder as her finger traces the problem on the paper, and feels a breast pressing against the back of her neck. Zazzalil's free hand is resting on Jemilla's other shoulder to help steady herself.

This is the most physical contact the two have ever had and Jemilla's head is reeling. It feels like she has too many sensory inputs happening at once and she can't keep up with it all.

With a groan she drops her pencil onto her desk and drops her head into her hands.

"You good?" Zazzalil asked, both hands now firmly resting on each shoulder, and she was now hunched in more closely in an attempt to comfort her friend.

"Yeah, it's just a lot."

'A lot' was an understatement. There was this feeling in her chest that was about to bubble over and she wasn't sure how long she could put up with it.

She sighed when she felt strong thumbs start kneading at her shoulder blades. Her back straightened out a bit to allow easier access, but she stayed leaning slightly forward in her chair. She felt her muscles tighten at the contact. "You're really tense. I think you just need to relax, J-Mills," Zazzalil said, working her way in toward Jemilla's neck. Her hands never trailed further down than the middle of her back for the several minutes that she massaged.

"Better?" Zazzalil asked after awhile, softly rubbing her palms over the area in a soothing, sweeping motion.

Jemilla hummed, opening her eyes for the first time since Zazzalil had started.

_I love you._

"We should get back to calculus."

Zazzalil agreed, leaning back over Jemilla to walk her through the problem again. Jemilla wasn't paying attention, however. Her mind was too preoccupied with Zazzalil and the fact that, yet again, she'd failed to tell her.

* * *

_**:…Five…:** _

Jemilla yawned, stretching her arms above her head as she stood. She had glanced at her microwave when she'd heard the initial knock at the door to see that it was nearly two in the morning. She'd debated going back to bed but ultimately decided to get up when she heard a second, more frantic knock. Thankfully she was in a single dorm and didn't have any roommates to worry about being woken up.

She crossed the room and opened the door a crack, only opening it further when she saw that Zazzalil was the one standing on the other side of it.

"Zazz?" She rubbed her right eye, glancing back into her dark room at the microwave to verify that the time had in fact not changed in the past 30 seconds. "Do you need something? It's really late."

The brunette opened her mouth to speak, but closed it and shuffled anxiously on her feet. Now Jemilla was worried and suddenly quite a bit more awake than she had been. "Are you okay?"

Again, the girl's mouth flopped open and closed as she looked for the words to say, but they were lost in her throat before they ever had the chance to be spoken into life.

"Why don't you come in?" Jemilla stepped aside, holding the door open for Zazzalil, only turning on the light and closing the door once Zazzalil was pacing next to her bed. The curly haired girl walked to Zazzalil and grabbed her wrist, hand sliding up to clasp the girl's fingers in her own. "What's wrong?"

Looking more calm than she had when she arrived, she stopped and spun to face Jemilla. She still wasn't saying anything, but big, brown eyes bore into equally large, honey eyes. For a moment, Jemilla simply let her be and let her process whatever was happening in her mind.

"I'm sorry for showing up so late," her voice was hushed and strained, as if she was struggling to speak.

Jemilla shook her head, her curls bobbing slightly, and her other hand rose to cup Zazzalil's face. At first she was worried that this would go over poorly, but she was relieved when the girl leaned into the contact. "No, it's okay." The two were still staring into each other's eyes, but Jemilla saw Zazzalil's throat bob as she swallowed. "I just want you to be okay." She was whispering now, though she wasn't sure why. Perhaps it was that Zazzalil seemed rattled, and she was afraid if she talked too loudly it would startle her.

"I'm okay," she said back. Neither moved, and they continued to stare at each other intently. They weren't quite sure who moved first, but before either of them knew it, their lips were lightly brushing against each other, both pairs of eyes half lidded. It was Jemilla who finally closed what little space was left, her hands dropping to Zazzalil's waist to pull her closer. Zazzalil responded positively, letting her fingers come up to tangle in her curls.

Zazzalil was the first to pull away, her eyes still closed as Jemilla looked down at her. She finally opened her eyes and stared up to Jemilla, her mouth open slightly.

"I love you," she finally said. Something in her gaze was hesitant, as if she was scared to be saying it.

Jemilla smiled and let out a breathy chuckle. "I love you, too," she breathed. She leaned back down, kissing Zazzalil more deeply this time.

They had lost time to make up for.


End file.
